SENATE SQUARE, HELSINKI, FINLAND
NATO SECRETARY GENERAL METTLE SNICKERSNEE: Huomenta.
I don't need to tell you that your large, next-door neighbor has been making lots of noise lately.
As you know, the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact of 1939 divided Eastern Europe between the Nazis and Soviets. Estonia, Latvia, most of Lithuania, most of Poland, Bessarabia, and Finland were promised to the Soviets.
The Soviet Union invaded Finland in November 1939 in the Winter War after first demanding that Finland cede some islands in the Gulf of Finland and part of your beloved Karelia. You showed the world that a small determined country could hold a bully at bay for a time, but then the spring thaw allowed the Soviets to employ its advantage in armor. Many Soviet soldiers froze to death because their leadership was incompetent. You were forced to accept Stalin's terms in March 1940, which included a loss of 11% of your territory.
Of course, that was a mixed blessing, because while Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania retained their territory, they must now deal with large populations of Russians who may soon act as fifth columns. Poland's borders were dramatically shifted to the West.
The U.S. and many European governments stood by and did nothing, mainly because we had more than our fair share of Bolshevik sympathizers. Former U.S. President Herbert Hoover organized aid for Finland, continuing the humanitarian work he accomplished in Belgium during WWI, Poland and the Soviet Union post-WWI, and 38 nations in the world famine of 1946-1947.
The Soviet Union shot-down one of your civilian airplanes, the Kaleva, in June 1940, two days before the Soviets annexed the Baltic Countries. Neither the Soviet Union nor Russia ever admitted its guilt or apologized for that crime, but Russia still claims that Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania volunteered to be annexed.
Russians have proven themselves to be adept at shooting down airplanes filled with civilians and denying it afterward.
But annexed is such a polite word. The actual horrors associated with it -- summary executions, confiscation of property, residents being sent to labor camps, freedoms curtailed, rapes -- are glossed over when using that word.
And when the Nazis mostly surrounded Leningrad, squeezing the city into starvation, Finland did not participate in the siege and allowed Soviet food convoys to reach the city via Lake Ladoga.
The enemy is at the gate. Again.
Russian military aircraft are violating your airspace on a regular basis now. Russia claims it's an accident. Let that be a lesson to you: never text and fly.
In a different part of Europe, we heard from captured Russian paratroopers who said they traveled into Ukraine by accident. Sure, they went to the store for vodka and cigarettes, but ended up in Ukraine. I hate it when that happens.
Some Russian separatists claim that active-duty Russian soldiers are taking their vacations in Eastern Ukraine, suggesting that armed combat is merely another extreme sport. A few of those soldiers complained that they were being used as cannon fodder, similar to how their Soviet predecessors were used in Finland.
I realize that Finns cherish their independence, but then again, you joined the European Union and adopted the euro. There's one more organization you must join.
The colonel standing behind me is holding the signed paperwork for Finland to join. I say "signed" because all current members have already agreed to allow Finland to join. The only thing left to do is for the Finnish Parliament to pass the legislation.
As you know, citizen referendums are not binding upon the Parliament. They are considered to be purely advisory.
That is why your vote tomorrow must be overwhelming. You must convince them that Finns do not want to repeat history and want to remain in a free Europe. The Parliament has agreed to hold a vote on the day after yours.
U.S. President John F. Kennedy traveled to West Berlin in June 1963. The Cold War was in full bloom, with the Berlin Wall having been initially erected on August 1961. JFK wanted to reassure Berliners that the U.S. was not going to abandon them.
He famously spoke the words, "Ich bin ein Berliner," which actually mean, "I am a jelly doughnut," but that's okay because we knew what he meant. He was expressing solidarity with people who were at risk of being over-run by the Soviets.
Besides, a jelly doughnut sounds pretty good right now.
So, in conclusion, and channeling my inner JFK, I say to you as a free man: Olen suomalainen!
© 2009-2019 TheSaucyMugwump
NATO SECRETARY GENERAL METTLE SNICKERSNEE: Huomenta.
I don't need to tell you that your large, next-door neighbor has been making lots of noise lately.
As you know, the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact of 1939 divided Eastern Europe between the Nazis and Soviets. Estonia, Latvia, most of Lithuania, most of Poland, Bessarabia, and Finland were promised to the Soviets.
The Soviet Union invaded Finland in November 1939 in the Winter War after first demanding that Finland cede some islands in the Gulf of Finland and part of your beloved Karelia. You showed the world that a small determined country could hold a bully at bay for a time, but then the spring thaw allowed the Soviets to employ its advantage in armor. Many Soviet soldiers froze to death because their leadership was incompetent. You were forced to accept Stalin's terms in March 1940, which included a loss of 11% of your territory.
Of course, that was a mixed blessing, because while Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania retained their territory, they must now deal with large populations of Russians who may soon act as fifth columns. Poland's borders were dramatically shifted to the West.
The U.S. and many European governments stood by and did nothing, mainly because we had more than our fair share of Bolshevik sympathizers. Former U.S. President Herbert Hoover organized aid for Finland, continuing the humanitarian work he accomplished in Belgium during WWI, Poland and the Soviet Union post-WWI, and 38 nations in the world famine of 1946-1947.
The Soviet Union shot-down one of your civilian airplanes, the Kaleva, in June 1940, two days before the Soviets annexed the Baltic Countries. Neither the Soviet Union nor Russia ever admitted its guilt or apologized for that crime, but Russia still claims that Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania volunteered to be annexed.
Russians have proven themselves to be adept at shooting down airplanes filled with civilians and denying it afterward.
But annexed is such a polite word. The actual horrors associated with it -- summary executions, confiscation of property, residents being sent to labor camps, freedoms curtailed, rapes -- are glossed over when using that word.
And when the Nazis mostly surrounded Leningrad, squeezing the city into starvation, Finland did not participate in the siege and allowed Soviet food convoys to reach the city via Lake Ladoga.
The enemy is at the gate. Again.
Russian military aircraft are violating your airspace on a regular basis now. Russia claims it's an accident. Let that be a lesson to you: never text and fly.
In a different part of Europe, we heard from captured Russian paratroopers who said they traveled into Ukraine by accident. Sure, they went to the store for vodka and cigarettes, but ended up in Ukraine. I hate it when that happens.
Some Russian separatists claim that active-duty Russian soldiers are taking their vacations in Eastern Ukraine, suggesting that armed combat is merely another extreme sport. A few of those soldiers complained that they were being used as cannon fodder, similar to how their Soviet predecessors were used in Finland.
I realize that Finns cherish their independence, but then again, you joined the European Union and adopted the euro. There's one more organization you must join.
The colonel standing behind me is holding the signed paperwork for Finland to join. I say "signed" because all current members have already agreed to allow Finland to join. The only thing left to do is for the Finnish Parliament to pass the legislation.
As you know, citizen referendums are not binding upon the Parliament. They are considered to be purely advisory.
That is why your vote tomorrow must be overwhelming. You must convince them that Finns do not want to repeat history and want to remain in a free Europe. The Parliament has agreed to hold a vote on the day after yours.
U.S. President John F. Kennedy traveled to West Berlin in June 1963. The Cold War was in full bloom, with the Berlin Wall having been initially erected on August 1961. JFK wanted to reassure Berliners that the U.S. was not going to abandon them.
He famously spoke the words, "Ich bin ein Berliner," which actually mean, "I am a jelly doughnut," but that's okay because we knew what he meant. He was expressing solidarity with people who were at risk of being over-run by the Soviets.
Besides, a jelly doughnut sounds pretty good right now.
So, in conclusion, and channeling my inner JFK, I say to you as a free man: Olen suomalainen!
© 2009-2019 TheSaucyMugwump